And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize