I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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