apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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