he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
