I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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