he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
