hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
