like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
