We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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