I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
