I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
