Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
