Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got inside last night via doggy door
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize