I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
