why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the day after is always just damage control
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
