we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
