Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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