hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
