At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
