I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
