Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize