Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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