I wish you could order shots online.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
