I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
