i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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