I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
