so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
