Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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