my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
