She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
