She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
