im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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