i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
