if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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