party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
