We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
