she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
