Only a mothe r could love this liver
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
