My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
