I have demons in me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
