i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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