I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
