Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
