I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
