apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
