I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
