and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
