i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
