I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
