a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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