im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
