I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize