K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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