I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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