You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
