I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
