Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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