it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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