he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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