we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
