On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize