I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
