I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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