Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
