You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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