connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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