I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
