Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
