It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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