It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
