im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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