I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have demons in me.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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