I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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