some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
