Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
