Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize